What It Feels Like to Be a Language Learner (pt.1)

When The Teacher Becomes The Student

What happens when a language teacher returns to the student seat after 10 years? This summer, I decided to spend my holiday in France, and take a French course to reconnect with the student experience. It was humbling, frustrating, and eye-opening. This post documents my first week back in a language classroom, exploring what happens when the teacher becomes the student, how AI and EdTech shaped my learning, and the critical lessons I'm taking back to my own teaching practice.

You're literally inside my head here: the anxiety, the frustration, the tiny victories. This is Part 1 of a 2-part series.

Day 1: When Teacher Confidence Meets Student Reality

I couldn't sleep. Woke up earlier than ever. Sweating. Stressed.

Why? Because I was going back to a language class. Me. A language teacher. Someone who tells students every single day that mistakes are part of learning.

And here I was, terrified.

The Placement Test

I arrived. I sat down. Surprised by my result and placement. Was I really advanced?

The oral exam didn't go well. At least that's what my brain told me. The irony wasn't lost on me, I literally tell my students that placement tests aren't about "good" or "bad." They even told us this. And yet, there I was, drowning in shame.

Shame for not remembering.

Shame for being placed with fluent speakers.

Shame for not finding the words.

The frustration was borderline anger. Years ago, I could speak, write, express myself. I even took the B2 exam. Now? Nothing. Except... that's not true. I could understand. I understood the teacher. I understood the other students. I understood the texts and questions.

I just couldn't speak.

Everything coming out of my mouth was German. Und. Mit. Ohne. GERMAN!! NOT FRENCH!

The Teacher Brain Won't Turn Off

Here's what made it harder: I couldn't stop analyzing the lesson.

How was her ice breaker structured? How did the activities progressively reactivate vocabulary? Why isn't anyone using the target language?

Difficult not focusing on what the teacher does and why, but on what I need to do as a student.

I understood. I had the correct answers. But I couldn't produce them because I couldn't find the nouns, pronouns, or verbs. When I finally found words, I couldn't remember how to pronounce them.

Teaching Takeaway: How many of our students sit in our classes with the right answer trapped inside, unable to get it out? How patient are we with their processing time?

No Patience for Myself

I didn't follow a single piece of advice I give my students.

At the end of class, I wanted to ask the teacher how she chooses topics when new students arrive every Monday. I tried. I got frustrated. She said, "Take your time."

I couldn't. I told her never mind. And left.

By the end, I felt slightly less shame. But shame nonetheless. I just wanted class to end so I could speak a language that wasn't French.

Day 2: How AI Became My Language Learning “Lifeline”

Spent the evening using Perplexity to review. Turns out there's a handy feature for listening practice with words in context. In this case: asking my husband -who was also learning French on Duolinguo- to please fill and turn on the dishwasher before bed.

Walked in more confident. Knew where to sit. My new teacher bestie (Brigit? Brigita?) was next to me.

Scanned the worksheets on my iPad. No pen. No notebook. Embarrassed again. How can I, a teacher who carries everything, not have a pen?

Using EdTech as a Struggling Student

Here's where it gets interesting: Using AI as a student learning a language is much easier than Googling. Looking for answers across different sites takes so much time. In class, there is no time.

In the back of my mind: This could be wrong. But honestly, wrong is better than nothing, which is what I have in my brain. A whole lot of nothing.

Teaching Takeaway: We need honest conversations about AI in language learning. When students are drowning, a potentially imperfect answer from AI might be their only lifeline. How do we guide them to use it wisely rather than banning it outright?

I switched constantly between Mariana the student and Mariana the teacher, analyzing how the teacher built the topic from warm-up to vocabulary to oral discussion.

Student Mariana: Struggled, but answered all questions and got most right. How? Who knows. Learned that bakers take 10 years to master baguettes. Also, "baguette" can refer to chopsticks, magic wands, and drumsticks.

No Prep Time = Panic

We were asked to discuss questions without any prep time. I wanted to say something. Couldn't find the word. My neighbor was patient. I was not.

"I need more time," I told her.

But there is never enough time in class. NEVER.

Teaching Takeaway: When was the last time I gave students real think time before requiring them to speak? Not 30 seconds. Real processing time.

Why "Easy" Instructions Hurt Language Learners

The grammar section offered differentiation for students who'd already learned the SUBJONCTIF. Loved that.

What I hated: The teacher used "facile" and "difficile" to describe the options.

The "facile" one was FAR from facile. I gave myself a pat on the back because as a teacher, I dropped the word "easy" from my instructions some time ago.

Student Mariana felt dumb.

Teacher said we had 10-15 minutes for the grammar activity. WHICH IS IT? 10 or 15? Since I couldn't remember the subjonctif, I really needed those critical 5 minutes.

Time's up. I OBVIOUSLY didn't finish. I NEED MORE TIME. There is no time. We all have to move on.

Turns out the "Difficile" activity wasn't that challenging. I should have started with that one.

I remembered my old laminated conjugation table. Thought it was silly back then. I missed my colorful table.

Teaching Takeaway: The "silly" supports we dismiss might be exactly what struggling learners need. Reference materials aren't crutches, they're scaffolds.

Reading My Presentation

Final task of the day: use the SUBJONCTIF and vocabulary to present something a UNESCO Intangible World Heritage Site. She told us to write it out.

I joked with my teacher friend: "We would never tell our students to write out a text to read."

Then I READ my presentation. I READ it.

Teacher Mariana would have said: "Try to speak freely. Don't read."- In fact, I just said that yesterday in class.

Student Mariana: Reading is the absolute best I can do. Trying to look at the audience while reading and not making it obvious.

Everyone clapped. We laughed. The world didn’t end.

Not as frustrating as yesterday. Still very, very frustrating. Today, I embraced that languages are mixed in my brain, and I just need more time.

Day 3: The Student Perspective on Classroom Activities

Arrived late according to my anxious self (only 5 minutes before class). No time to settle in.

"WE ARE GOING ON A FIELD TRIP TODAY!"

I hadn't been on a field trip as a student since 5th grade —>the Bimbo factory, a rite of passage for every Mexican child.

We jumped right in. Fun warm-up with numbers and the city. Quick reading. Then speaking with subjonctif. Since I couldn't come up with a sentence on the spot, I sat quietly.

Then: a guessing game about two characters and a city. Got everyone interested.

I felt comfortable enough to guess. THEY MADE IT TO THE BOARD. I was so proud.

Teaching Takeaway: When students are genuinely curious and invested in solving a puzzle, language production happens more naturally.

When Confidence Means Doubting Yourself

We watched a long video by some a famous French teacher-YouTuber. Why no subtitles? Why no closed captioning? There was construction next door. It was loud.

I highlighted keywords. Useless. Too fast, too long, too many unknown words.

Still managed 8/10 questions.

"Check with your neighbor."

My neighbor said one answer was incorrect. I was fairly confident I was right. She pushed with fluent French. Doubting myself. More fluent French. Crossed out my answer and wrote hers.

I can't be correct. She speaks better French. I HAVE TO BE WRONG.

Checked as a group. I WAS CORRECT.

Thought to myself: this happened yesterday. With the same neighbor. I was correct. Still doubted myself. My French is non-existent.

Teaching Takeaway: Students doubt themselves constantly, especially when surrounded by more confident speakers. How do we build their trust in their own knowledge?

The Field Trip

We toured the school's neighborhood, admiring Bordeaux’s history, balconies, buildings, a park. Given a document to read while walking.

I'm not a tour person. Since I wasn't given a task beyond listening, I lost interest. Ended up looking at store windows and CROISSANTS I couldn't eat.

45 minutes till the end. 30 minutes. Will we really walk until the end? 15 minutes. 5 minutes.

QUIZ???

WHAT?

Calling out questions I'm supposed to know?

NOOOO! Please don't call on me! I only know the first 2.

My Japanese friend gets called on. She can't answer even with help.

Last question. Didn't get called on. I CAN BREATHE AGAIN.

Went back to the bakery. Got a Chocolatine.

Day 4: What Happens When Students Ask for Help

Arrived 20 minutes early. Just. The. Way. I. Like. It.

Settled in. Scanned today's topic: castles!

Warm-up: spot the difference between castle-related words. Decide if five castles were Renaissance, Neo-classic, Medieval, Gothique, or Troglodyte.

I wondered if I should go back to teaching General English. These topics are so fun.

Teacher said no ChatGPT to get answers.

I proceeded to use Perplexity. Having Perplexity explain in simple French made all the difference. The website I found gave explanations in words I couldn't understand.

I SHARED MY ANSWER. I literally raised my hand.

More castle vocabulary. Interesting but... when will I ever use "les douves" or "les créneaux"? Maybe if I write a book set in a medieval French castle. Who knows?

EdTech in Action: AI When the Teacher Says No

Next: listening comprehension from "1 jour, 1 question" YouTube channel about Versailles.

I really wanted captions in French. Come on! ASK!!!

"NO. We don't need captions. It's listening comprehension."

Started to blush. Face hot. Throat dry. Could not articulate why captions would be beneficial. Do not have the words to defend my ideas. Do not have the words.

Another student asked if we could slow it down. "No."

A third said we don't need captions or slowing down. The goal is to learn.

Great for her, but if we're asking for support, it's because we need it. If you don't want captions, don't look at them!

Me? Quiet.

Felt embarrassed. Felt disappointed. Mustering courage to ask for something in French only to get told no.

I get it's listening comprehension, but extra help wouldn't hurt. We weren't doing exam training.

Watched anyway. Answered a few questions. Didn't feel like sharing. Lost interest.

Replayed the interaction a million times. Thought of things I could have said. I should have said...

Teaching Takeaway: When students ask for accommodations, they're being vulnerable. Shutting them down—especially publicly—can kill participation for the rest of the class, and might keep them form asking for what they need in the future.

Thankfully, break time.

Taylor Swift: "You should think of your energy as if it's expensive. As if it's a luxury item. Not everyone can afford it."

Moved on.

Researched La Maison Forte de Reignac. Learned torture was legal in France until 1986…. a year before I was born. Told my 19 year old, Swiftie neighbor. She laughed.

Still needed time. But there was no time.

The Medieval Gazette

Tasked to take all we learned about castles and write a Medieval Gazette entry. My Swiftie friend and I got inspired by the Willow performance in the Eras Tour. IYKYK.

Had written 5-6 sentences.

"A few minutes left."

NOOO! We're not finished.

"Not a problem. But only a few minutes left."

We're inspired. Still writing. Want to describe her dress. The performance.

THERE IS NO MORE TIME!

Day 5: From Teacher to Student to Teacher Again

Woke up early. Last day. DETERMINED to stop by the boulangerie for a croissant.

Teacher had made the Medieval Gazette with our stories. Had time to read some. Ours was voted best. It was true though.

All courses in the school were learning about the same theme: "heritage" at different levels. Clever.

We spent most of class preparing trivia questions to play with other classes.

I came up with a question about archeological sites in Mexico. Really wanted to improve my multiple choice options. But as you know, THERE IS NO TIME!

After break, other students invaded. We played. Got out of control. Students screaming answers, copying, phones out, AI everywhere. I'm always surprised how seriously people take competition.

The teacher in me couldn't just watch. I suggested we write answers and show them simultaneously. Upset teacher took my idea and implemented it.

We finished. Did a vocabulary crossword. REALLY hard. Spelling in French is on another level.

My favorite word from the week: "Franchouillard" (means really, really French). Like a baguette. And yes, I wrote that without looking it up.

Class ended. Said goodbye. Shared contact information. Teacher disappeared.

On my way back, I decided to enroll in another week. Different city, different teacher, different school.

My Proudest Moment of the Week

Or maybe of my 2025??

I had to go to a pharmacy. Tradition during my holidays: getting sick.

Went in and EXPLAINED EVERYTHING IN FRENCH!! E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!!!

The pharmacist asked questions and said:

I SPOKE FRENCH VERY WELL!!

The excitement I felt cannot be put into words. There I was chatting about teaching in Berlin, my life, etc. IN FRENCH. My mom was standing next to me. When we left with my medication, she said she was impressed :)

So there you have it. The end of my first week speaking French again.

Stick around for Week 2, where things get even more intense with progress tests, anxiety attacks, and some hard truths about group work. Yay!