What It Feels Like to Be a Language Learner (pt.2)
How to Survive When Teaching Methods Break You
What happens when familiar teaching strategies feel unbearable from the student side? Week 2 of my French immersion brought progress tests, anxiety attacks, and some uncomfortable truths about group work, correction methods, and AI bans in language classrooms.
This is Part 2 of a 2-part series. If you haven't read Week 1, [start there] to see how this journey began.
Day 6: New School, Same Nerves
Nervous again.
Why did I sign up to be in school by 8:45 EVERY SINGLE morning?
Welcome meeting. My introduction went somewhat smoothly this time. Born in Mexico. Live in Berlin. Teach English at a college. All good.
Oh, no. Questions I didn't prepare for. Answered them. Whew.
Got a little notebook with useful phrases, vocab, grammar review intertwined with information about the school, the city, recommendations, etc. REALLY NICE IDEA. LOVED IT.
When AI Gets Banned
Teacher arrives. Agenda.
"ChatGPT and Google Translate are FORBIDDEN."
Why??
Intro again. MORE questions. What kind of students do I teach? What are they studying?
Everyone's level is much more advanced. Again.
Mariana. Stop. Comparing. Yourself. STOP.
I can't stop.
We talked about our weekends with memes. Learned how to pronounce "meme" in French.
This week's topic: talking about feelings and emotions. Teacher explained the goals broken down by skill and grammar…Subjonctif, again.
When class ended, I asked my teacher why she said AI is forbidden. She explained that she wants students to build their own knowledge, and ChatGPT just gives the answer. She said maybe when one is a more advanced speaker. Not now.
I understood her perspective. But I also knew I'd be using AI for homework anyway. And in class. And whenever I felt I needed it.
Teaching Takeaway: When we ban tools outright, we don't stop students from using them, we just make them hide it. And we lose the opportunity to teach them how to use those tools wisely. Teachers' concerns about AI are valid. Absolutely. But blanket bans ignore how differently tools work for different learners. Advanced students might also use AI to cheat. Struggling students might use it to survive.
Group Work Gone Wrong
Got right into vocabulary. Define emotions and feelings. No time to think. I couldn't even come up with the distinction in Spanish. What?
More vocabulary. In groups, match the feelings that are similar. We tried. Did you know "glacé" means to be frozen but with fear?
Another group task. 6 students. Too many. One took charge and control. Did not let the rest speak or participate. Dominated the conversation. Imposed their views on the rest.
I tried to oppose what was being said. Got shot down. Don't have enough words to defend my ideas, AGAIN. Continued doing my work quietly and independently.
Thought to myself that I need to rethink group work and how groups are made in my classroom.
Share with everyone. Mistakes corrected every few words. Don't like that.
Move on.
No! Wait! I'm not finished.
I need more time.
Here's some homework.
Class ended. My mom picked me up.
Teaching Takeaway: Group size matters enormously. Six is too many when language levels vary (happens all the time). Dominant personalities can completely shut down participation, and struggling students will retreat into silent compliance (as did I).
Homework Reality Check
Homework time. First language homework in ages. Teacher said it would be easy and would take 15-20 minutes.
Easy, again. That word.
It was NOT easy. It did NOT take 15 minutes. It was incredibly challenging.
Yes, I did use AI to understand things. Blind trust even though I know better. The dictionaries were USELESS. Repeating the word I asked for in the definition. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Now it's time for a tarte au citron meringuée because I'm an adult and I can have dessert for dinner. Yes, I already ate my broccoli.
Day 2: The Anxiety Attack Day
Sweat running down my face. Clammy hands. Anxiety. Blushing.
I had THAT day.
Today proved to be a challenge both for the student and the teacher version of me.
Class started okay. Spent about an hour discussing and then round-robining the homework. Teacher asked if we should continue checking, and everyone said "no!" Uploaded the answer key. "If you have questions let me know."
Looked at sentence stems that help us share ideas and trigger either indicative, subjunctive, or infinitive.
Okay. This looks familiar. I know what many of these phrases mean. I could probably pronounce them okeyish. Do not remember how to decide if it's subjunctive or indicative. Infinitive is a piece of cake. Or so I thought.
Some explanations. Not super clear.
The Most Anxiety-Inducing Activity of My Recent History
The activity seemed straightforward: Quotes on the screen. Read and decide if you agree or not. Justify your answer using the sentence stems and the verb in either indicative, subjunctive, or infinitive.
On y va!
The bravest of students began. Did not get it. Got prodded. Got corrections. Got asked follow-up questions. Et voilà.
Next.
As I watched, I couldn't help but panic.
"Who is next? Everyone must speak."
"Je suis d'accord," said another soul.
"Je suis d'accord? Come on! That is A1 level. This is B2. You can't just say that you agree. That is not the right level."
Joking but not really.
MY WORST NIGHTMARE.
As a teacher, I understand the sentiment behind it. Wanting students to push themselves, to not fall back on simple language they feel comfortable with. But this didn't feel like gentle encouragement. It felt like shaming.
Teaching Takeaway: There's a difference between encouraging growth and publicly shaming students for using "simple" language. The former builds confidence. The latter destroys it.
When Panic Sets In
"Who is next?"
OMG. NO. I haven't said anything.
Why does she keep scrolling through the quotes? I can't read fast enough. The writing on the board covers words. “The font is really hard to make out” my cardiologist classmate points this out. She scrolls down to even more quotes in a different font. I can't form an opinion so quickly.
"No repeating!"
I can't keep track of the sentence stems being used. Crossing them out. Reading the moving quotes. Trying to decide if they trigger indicative, subjunctive, or infinitive. I can't form an opinion. Remember how to conjugate.
"Who is missing?"
Did she notice I haven't said anything? Would it be terrible if she calls on me and I say I'm not ready? And that I don't want to answer? She's probably going to make me come up with something on the spot. I need to figure something out. And quickly.
We're down to 3 students left.
I was a few minutes from having to step out and manage my incoming anxiety attack. I really felt like I was going to cry.
2...
Quickly took a picture of the board. Picked the shortest phrase. Asked a clarifying question.
"Mariana?"
Said I agree with a sentence stem I was familiar with and knew what followed. Did not care if someone had used it before. Made up a ridiculous explanation.
She probably saw my face. No questions asked.
Moved on.
I've spent the afternoon going through every single class I have ever taught, hoping an activity of mine has never made my students feel the way I just felt. It probably did. I'm so sorry.
Grammar activities and explanations on how to use the sentence stems and when to use what. Thought to myself, "This should have come before." Spent the time trying to pay attention while regulating my body.
Communicative tasks. Writing. Ran out of time.
Class over.
Day 3: The Progress Test I Didn't Want
After a very long night of reflection and finecombing through my last 15-20 years of teaching, I looked forward to a fun and productive class.
Surprise! Today we are doing a test.
Progress test? I've been in this class for a total of 2 days, 3 if you count the one that was about to start.
Considered telling the teacher I wasn't interested in taking a test, but eventually decided I'd just chill and do whatever I can. Instead of being tested for the school, I'd be tested for me. I'd use the results and experience to learn about my French skills and give me information on what I'm still good at and what could be improved.
Test Design From the Student Side
We were given the exam and told we'd listen twice, and to please write clearly.
How long do we have for the exam?
"Umm, until the break? Or longer if you need? Whatever works for you?"
So over an hour?
Listening begins. Did all you're supposed to do before listening comprehension. Read questions, underline keywords, all that jazz.
First time listening. Audio was really fast: news about businesses taking care of the environment. Tried to take notes. My brain didn't know if I should do it in Spanish, English, German? Surely French was a good option? Wait, but I can't write in French. All the languages it is.
We listened twice. Felt really good about my answers.
Three Topics, No Connection
Reading is up next. Wait, what? This is a different topic: neurodiversity in the workplace.
No instructions. Mhh, no line numbers. Should I answer in complete sentences? Does grammar count? Spelling? I know it shouldn't but does it?
Thought it went well. Could understand. Could answer.
Writing is up. ANOTHER topic? Now, transportation.
Okay, this is really challenging. I get what I have to do. I understand. I have the ideas. I don't have the words.
Wrote something. Turned it in.
The rest of the class was uneventful.
Teaching Takeaway: When I looked at this exam through my teacher lens, I realized: all skills connected through a theme is good practice and it's respectful of cognitive load. Three unrelated topics? That's three times the mental switching. We really do a great job with our exams. Shout out to my colleague Wiktoria Allan.
The Big Meta-Lesson
Week 2 confirmed what Week 1 suggested: Every language teacher needs to be a struggling student regularly.
Not in a language where you're comfortable. In one where you feel dumb, exposed, and behind. Where you panic about being called on. Where you hide behind teammates. Where you use forbidden tools just to survive.
Because that's where empathy lives. That's where you remember that teaching techniques that sound good in theory can feel unbearable in practice.
And that's where you learn to teach differently.
Want to read how this journey started? Check out Week 1 to see the placement test panic, and the moment I couldn't ask for subtitles.
Want the full breakdown of lessons learned? Click for the summary post where I'll compile every actionable teaching change I'm making because of this experience.